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Monday, June 5th, 2006
12:20 am - time has come to a screeching halt

a month ago was supposed to be now
now it's another month away

i can't do this month-game anymore.

my parents went up for a week this past week to close on the house and renovate the upstairs bathroom 
only to discover that the toilet in the downstairs bathroom is leaking into the basement
so they demolished some walls




which means- no working bathroom for the four of us

so now, eric and my dad are going up for another week this upcoming week to finish the bathrooms
so i can go up for my little breather
take in some tennessee air
fill out some applications
try to sort my life out again

then we all get to come back down and pack up our lives and try to figure out what we are doing with ourselves.



current mood: restless

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Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
1:08 am
maybe it was the thought-provoking jams   
maybe it was the crazy guy riding a bike around sonic at 11:30   
maybe it's just time   

but something weird clicked tonight.   

ive got two totally insane prospects floating around in my head right now about things   
#1. everyone has a "disorder" of some sort, (be it social or mental or physical... i think that covers it.) and we have to interact with other people with other types of ticks and it either freaks us out or we understand. but once you've discovered or even just at least identified your specific quirk it's kind of your duty to help other people to "understand". i've developed some weird social fear, ("anxiety" i guess is a little more accurate) that has never been a part of my life until after i was 16. ive identified it, and i think i have a good lead as to why... which leads me straight into   

#2. that this might not all be a coincidence. these are all people who ive known of, but it's weird in the sense that i never have. and here they are. and the way that they became recognizable was through technology, which is how it would have to happen for this to work, considering the way we are. and other people see it. and i already "know" it in one sense and have "accepted" it in another, but i am in complete denial. i hate everything about it.   

but if that's the case, then there are so many questions that have to be answered. but i can already comprehend what they would be. and something huge has to happen for anything to change now.    

i'm wondering that if it doesn't, would i have been "wrong"?   
or would this just be another piece to this?   

does anything have to be "official" for it to exist and be "real"?

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Thursday, May 18th, 2006
11:18 pm - SO IT LOOKS LIKE
i have to wake up super early
because someone is coming over to hang out with me at 7 in the morning
because he couldnt hang out late tonight

strange. but we'll see what happens.

the deal with the other guy from the entry below, for all those inquiring minds, (who am i kidding, most of you people have a two short paragraph attention span. no offense, loves) is that he did end up calling me the next day. and after three times hanging out (and me totally falling in love with him and thinking we were going to have some amazing relationship) hooked up and he never called me again.

i baked him cookies the next day because he had said it had been so long since he had had any and he told me he thought things were awkward.
ok
whatever
weird
bastard
so forth and so on
im over it


so i met some other random guy
blablahblah
dont want to talk about it
it was pointless
and i've almost already forgotten that it happened

i wasn't clear on it to begin with
if you catch my drift.
(and if this wasnt totally lame and all electronical, i would be giving you a little nudge in the side and my silly crooked grin and a wink. but you miss out on that)

so, now i'm moving to tennessee in like two weeks or something.
something like that.
dont even really care any more.
just have to get out of here.


and that will be all for now.
sweet dreams and good luck with... stuff.

current mood: content

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Sunday, November 20th, 2005
7:16 am - do what you've got to do just to get by. and forget my name.
yeah, so i totally forgot about seeing matt a. yesterday.


it was so weird. instantly i was back in the 10th grade, goofy as ever, trying my best to just get noticed by this god of a guy that inconsistently remembered my name or that we had met before. i had this sudden flash back to that and my heart completely stopped. it made me sad, honestly. those we're the best times of my life and there's just no way to explain what happened in that year. all i know is that at the end of if, a fucking asshole showed me that everything's not sugar-coated or caters to the emotions of a 16 year old with big dreams and starry eyes. and nothing's been the same since.
but whatever. i've learned to cope. and i had almost completely forgotten everything.



jessyka totally took me to go see harry potter last night. haha. good times.

current mood: nostalgic

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Monday, September 19th, 2005
9:21 pm - EDIT
you disgust me.





you are the most delusional and fake person i've ever had the misfortune of knowing

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Friday, May 14th, 2004
7:14 am
friends only

add if you want to be added

xoxo

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